craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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