So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
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