I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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