You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
