How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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