just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
