So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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