Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
