i love accidental penises.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
