My friends, they love my intelligence
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
