just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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