Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
