Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
