2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I will pee on everything he values.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
