Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
