She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
