for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
