Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
