I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
