Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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