i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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