we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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