i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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