she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
