I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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