Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
