So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I need to stop coming to work sober
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
