recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
