i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
