This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
