you guys were way drunker than both of me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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