Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
