That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sarcasm needs its own font
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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