the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
this hospital has no fireball
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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