I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Randomize
