I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
