he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
