If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
