this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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