based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
