i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
