the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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