I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
