Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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