if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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