dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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