I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We're too hungover to prance.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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