Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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