he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
