i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
