i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
